this is all going to sound so amazingly cliched and i swear everyone that wants to make a difference, stand out etcetc says it. but here we go.

as soon as people hear i'm a fashion student, it's like i'm instantly put into this bitchy category who is judging your outfit, defining you by the clothes you wear. that i think anyone who doesn't fit into a perfect size 8 is fat.

i chose to do fashion, because of how an outfit can make you feel alive. y'know that feeling, when you put on an outfit and look in the mirror and think 'damn. i look good'. i want to design clothes that give people that confidence. that mean people can tranform themselves, even if it's only for afew hours. they can put a completely outrageous dress, and stand out from the crowd for a night. they can be the centre of attention one night, then put on jeans and a t-shirt the next day, and slip back into everyday life. fashion gave me the confidence when i needed it. call it vain, say you don't conform to fashion, whatever. but noone can deny that feeling when you know you're wearing something that you love. it's like a disguise, even when you feel totally and utterly shit, you can put on something and trick the world into thinking everything's perfect.


sorry for the random, pointless post.
i just needed to remind myself for a minute.
i need inspiration, so badly.

that kinda worked abit.

ima make your heart race in my skintight jeans

blog it's been toooo long. but i love tumblr more nowadays, much more inspring. so gogo follow me over there http://ilikehowyousmile.tumblr.com/

pretty soon this blog is gonna have to turn into my uni blog, which forms part of my course, or i'll have to make a new 1 i guess...

anyway, i'm back making clothes. got chiffon and lace cami tops made yesterday, maxi dress last week and shorts in the process. things are finally looking up. other parts of life have pretty much vanished for a month until i move to uni, but more time for fashion i guess.

so, get tumblr, yeah.
lots and lots of pretty pictures, inspiration and all that.

xxxxxxxx

i failed epically at that 365 day project. i will start soon, promise.
since then, i've turned 18, finished my a-levels and had one of the best nights, which involved farm yard animals, such as goats:



it was the end of 7 long, longg years at my school. but i genuinely do miss it.

i would explain the horse, but i'm not really too sure myself.





i'm gonna miss these the most though. 2 months, and i'll be moving almost 2 hours away. scared doesn't really describe it. but at the same time i'm so excited i just want to dance around all the time. the university just won 3 awards at graduate fashion week, just proves how amazing this course is.

i think far to much. i overcomplicate everything in my head. maybe that's why all my inspiration and ideas have gone. i've thought about everything so much. i've wanted to make the best i could so much. that i just can't anymore.
so maybe to get back to where i was, i need to stop thinking, go back to basics and hopefully it will come back? i hope so. i don't feel like me without imagination.

dear blog, it's been far to long.
but jeez i have ALOT to catch up on

here's a pretty amazing version of time after time, by quietdrive.
heard it on john tucker must die and had to share.



so firstly, i finished a-levels a couple of weeks ago. just got a resit on the 30th june to go then they are fully complete. but the main thing is, textiles is over, forever! happy days :)

secondly, i went to london the other day and did another little photoshoot for some of my newer designs. these are in a more 'festival' style. the purple dress is the dress i made for my university interviews (didn't make the blazer)
the shoes featured are also the gorgeous heels i got to wear for my leavers ball later this month, which are from newlook. the jewellery is an assortment of H&M, primark and vintage.






thirdly, these and many more photos/ designs can be found on my website.
i was going to post the link here... but there's afew issues with sorting it at the moment, and i'm still in the slow process of scanning things to put on it. so watch this space!

saying that, i have new things. i signed up to formspring and tumblr.
beginning to love tumblr, bit like twitter (which i also have, i'm such an internet whore) and a mixture of blogger aswell. following lots of arty/ fashiony people and have discovered some pretty cool things. one of my fave followers is dedicated to inspirational/ happy things, these are definately my fave's so far;





the last one is definately my favourite. not the way it's displayed, it could be done much better, but the actual saying.

i felt like a change, so attempted to dye my hair a dark brown/ chestnut colour. however it came out red/ purple. but i'm beginning to like it.



finally, i'm beginning the 365 day project as of today, 1st june 2010.
it's where you take a photo everyday of your life for a year, a self-portrait, to document how you change and to show the good/ bad points of your life, through a photo. this is gonna take me through my 18th/ moving to bournemouth/ living in bournemouth/ new year/ completing my first year at uni, right up until just a couple of weeks before my 19th birthday.
this seems like the best year to start it.

some are gonna be done with the webcam, as it's just easier.
some of just me, some with others. but i am so determined to stick to this for a change haa.
so here we go,
day #1


i've been ill all day, and watched one tree hill back to back all day before finding abit of strength to get on here.
i plan on doing exactly the same tomorrow, sorry it's such an uninspirational 1st photo. things will improve.

have a beautiful dayx

holga

it's a really random 18th birthday present, but i want a holga camera so much.

i love that the most beautiful thing about the images, is their imperfections.

got all these words, can't waste them on another.

i got my leavers ball dress, atlast. i don't wanna take any full pictures yet though, and they keep coming out awful. but you can see the pattern and ruffled bits here.



i also, got a haircut. finally. getting rid of the whole over my face annoying fringe look.



i'm in the last 4 months of living in oxford, and it's making me think about everything i've done, and everything i wish i had done. i have so many confessions and secrets it feels like they've built up. i need a fresh-start, free of this.

i'm sorry i never turned up that night, i never wanted to leave you standing there waiting, but then i knew you'd be better off without me.

another cliche rant

when i was in primary school, they asked us to fill out a questionnaire to judge our self confidence. they asked us, would you change anything about yourself, and what?
i answered yes, and everything.

i found this video from a summer 2 years ago on my computer
don't think i've ever properly sat and watched it, or maybe i just never noticed at the time. it actually made me cry just to see what it had actually done to me.

i read somewhere once, that a scientist believed it was just an abnormal gene that causes scoliosis, it's there from the moment you're born. then from then on you're just a time bomb, waiting for the day it starts to crush you. and there's nothing anybody can do about it, until it's got to a stage where it needs treatment. there's no way of preventing it, there's no full way of curing it, only delaying it.
i'm one of the most pro-surgery people you will meet, and that's a small minority it seems now. i can't go on the support sites without being bombarded with links to 'alternative treatments' and horror stories by people who really have no clue about it.




i have scoliosis, and i will until the day i die.
but i'm not going to let that tiny, little abnormality in my genes take anymore of the life i deserve from me.

i will always disagree with someone if they call me pretty or beautiful. 'cos i know underneath, is the scars from being sliced open, and literally having parts of me torn apart and holes drilled in me. i know the scars not pretty, and i know the lumps from the scoliosis are far from attractive.
but if someone asked me again, whether i would change anything about myself.
i'd say no.
'cos without this scar i have no proof i'm not the scared little girl i used to be. and without it i wouldn't be doing this.
so no, i'll keep my imperfections and be happy with my little abnormal gene.
'cos i am happy. and i have been happy ever since, as it's been a damn good two years. and things are only gonna get better
so love your imperfections, and live.♥

summer = new things
new sunglasses, £12.99, river island



bando hairband, £6.99, river island




i hate my nose in these photos. wouldn't it be amazing if you could just wake up for a day and not look like ET turned wicked witch of the west?

friday i handed in all ict and business studies coursework, which feels a-mazing not worrying about anymore! and there is only 3 weeks of textiles left until my final EVER exam.
i can see the end.. finally
i used to love textiles when i began it, but slowly over the past 2 years feel the loves been stripped away, and i now dread the lessons.

after the exam, there's nothing left until university, then forevermore it's designing clothes :)
it still doesn't seem real to be honest.
X

tea party

apparently, my clothing style is 'pretty, english teapartyishness'
i like that description of my clothes, i think it captures it well.
so going on the label 'Jennifer Douch Clothing - pretty, enligsh teapartynishness

all the shops have summer clothes in and i loooove it

this, with distressed denim shorts + strappy tan sandals + straw trilby


(£25, miss selfridge)


(£17, accessorize)



it's my sixth form leavers ball in 2 months, so started looking for a dress. dress code is 'summer formal', and i definately don't want a standard black dress. kinda boring. love this one from miss selfridge, £35

the fact that it's the ball soon, shows that i actually have only about 5 weeks of sixth form left. at the end of next week, all coursework will be handed in, ending my ict and business a-levels. then textiles exam 21st may, and it's all over.
time has gone so fast, its unbelieveable.



thinking, tan/ brown strappy heels and my pearl necklace with vintage charm jewellery.





i hate this feeling of regret,
and knowing that i am leaving everything so unfinished.
the fear that i'm going to spend the rest of my life thinking, if only.
i really, really annoy myself sometimes.

today i had a bird table dropped on me, not often you get to say that.





it feels like everything is coming to an end.
i'm excited for the future,
it's just i kinda enjoyed bits of the past aswell.

if only it wasn't what you inspired me to do.

asos offering free uk delivery has got to be the best news of the week.
it always puts me off shopping online, especially if what i'm buying is less than the delivery charge. helloooo parcels.

i actually have no idea where inspiration for this came from, but all i've been drawing lately is leather and feather skirts. the contrasting textures would look so good together. i just can't afford any leather to actually make any of these.
one day, maybe.




far left- a-line leather skirt, belted around the waist, with ruffled feather bottom
left- feather covered skirt with multicoloured stitching into feathers
centre- long knee-length leather skirt, with detailed criss-cross pattern embroidered in multicolour
right- shaped leather tulip skirt, with knee high leather look socks, with feather edge, and miltucoloured stitching
far right- short at front graduating to floor-length skirt at back, covered in large feathers and lined with leather. ballerina lace-up pumps.




and she's still an asshole, playing with matches
it's just that he's not around to play along anymore.

i like...

this song, and band;
lace leggings and vintage look jewellery; seriously, the best investment of 2010 so far. £5 from Primark. paired with my satin and denim slip top i made, it's pretty cool. The necklaces are all from accessorize, thin chains, prettier than chunky i think ruffled waiscoats: this is £7.99 from H&M. Can get it in black/ grey/ dark pink aswell, but the cream goes with almost everything. Tunic top's also from H&M, £7.99. Worn again with my new lace leggings. The tartan and denim bag is another thing I made, which has been everywhere with me lately. my uni house; it's pretty amazing, double rooms, conservatory, garden and gorgeous kitchen. september will be incredible forgotten memories resulting in this feel-good video of the week, i promise my laugh isn't usually like this, it was the sambuca shots..


and i like coming to the conclusion, that my career has already begun.
so why aren't i making the most of it?
jennifer douch clothing, is a label. and will be forevermore.
i do long hair, inappropriate fringes, red lips, pale skin, dark metallic eyes, short skirts and a load of pleats.
two door cinema club and the killers are the soundtrack bands to my label
i want richard avedon style shoots for my label, and i want a launch party for the first collection. big screen, showing video of the photoshoot sped up, fairly lights and chinese lanterns hanging everywhere, loud music and fun.
i want it to be big, but with a conscience. i want it to be a charity event, to raise money for action for ME, and scoliosis support

i like.. having so many ideas right now, i could explode :)
xxxxxxxxxxx

so tomorrow i'm off to bournemouth for the week to find a university house.
excitingscaryaaaah. it'll be good though. even if i am totally clueless
'what kinda house do you want?'
me- 'a pretty one'

i've failed on the clothing side lately
feel a major lack of inspiration, but things are slowly returning
hopefully a week away will help
do have some exciting news regarding a website in the summer though :)
but more on that soon.


long walks, with music and good company
are the future :)
(and red lipstick. £1.99- natural collection. seriously, so good.
stayed on through tequila shots and so much more. invest.)
even if they do insist on taking photographs..




if anyone saw my previous blog post, that only lasted about 2 hours before braveness wore off, will know what this is all about.
this is probably the most appropriate postsecret i've seen for us



let's hope i can make this worth it
i need to convince myself, this was the right choice.

this, is the beginning of my studio :) as i am the only sibling left in the house until september,i have taken over the newly spare room, and even though the room is dark, mouldy and with wallpaper crumbling away, it has some form of odd charm. all over the floor is fabric, from past, present and future designs. now all has been organized into boxes stacked up.
began hanging my dresses all around the room and filling boards with pictures to brighten it up a little. i think it is actually working though, i feel oddly inspired after spending the day sorting it, and can't wait to go back and start making clothes again. it's been to long.

all great designers start out in a mouldy room.. i'm sure.

brought some loverly bright pink spotty fabric, that is going to be a skirt and if i have enough a dress. some pale pink fabric, which will be a summer dress.

so, i haven't blogged in forever. but i do have excuses;
1. i have a life.
2. i'm coming to the end of a-levels and have insane amount of coursework
3. im getting a house and have been very busy househunting

veryveryvery exciting times :) so much happening right now
all starting to set in about uni now, and the fact that in 3 years time, i have very high chances of being in graduate fashion week.
i knew 2010 would be good :)
summer needs to hurry up now, ok.



geek out.

"jenny... are you real?!"

i think a song a blog is a good idea, silence isn't fun.

saturday, we're off to the vintage fashion fair in oxford! exciting :) in desperate need of a new bag, jewellery, belts and dresses. as always. giving up shopping for lent isn't an option anymore.

the dead look and the little alien pixie look are in right now i swear.





X

1. i love regina spektor
2. i love this song, despite it being amazingly sad
3. i love the video and the birds

so, listen :)

Right now I'm working on my final ever textiles piece, which will mark the end of my a-level coursework and my freedom returning.
It's a combination of all 3 of the chapters; Military fashion/ war-time fashion, womens changing role within society and recycled fashion.
The end piece is a women's war uniform, combining the chapters as women wouldn't of had war uniforms during the 1940's, showing how their role has changed. But the skirt is part long, part short, kinda strandy. With lace corset pattern all over, then the top has been made from an old shirt with gold badges and collar, with statement shoulders.

It's slowly, killing me.

In other news, I've given up shopping for lent. I have no idea when lent ends?! But I'm stopping.
I also had the weirdest photoshoot of my life last night, photos will be uploaded when I get them. Turns out, if you're pale, not in focus, wearing white and standing against a white wall, you don't show up!
Like an actual vampire. Time for summer and abit of a tan i think.
It was very fun though, many (attempted) handstands, fighting and fairy wings.

i hate boys.

tart and

First of all, I'm gonna join in with everyone else, and say how very, very sad it is about Alexander McQueen. The most controversial, weird and brilliant british designers. London Fashion Week isn't gonna be the same this year. rip♥

It kinda makes you think, that even when someone seemingly has everything and a successful life, you can never really tell what's going on.

Today in Primark, there was this group of i'd say 12 year old girls, all squealing and throwing loads of gel boobs into their baskets, like they were the best thing they'd ever seen. You really don't know whether to smash their heads together, or leave them to grow up into little sluts.
Seriously though, boobs for £3? Who cares if she has bigger tits than you? Get over it. Life's worth more than that.

I've decided to drop the budget. It lasted about a week, which I think is amazing.
Life's too short to spend worrying about money, what's the point in working hard, then saving it and having no fun. There's no point in doing something, if it's not making you happy.

Spending, makes me happy right now, so that's what I'm gonna do.
I spent December and January solidly working on my portfolio, amongst doing exams, working at the coffee shop and general school work. Every night I didn't go to bed 'til gone 2am and I got through about 30 sewing machine needles.
I did my work, I got everything I wanted, now I'm going to enjoy my life.
My Dad has done the same job all his life, works over 12 hours a day, 6 days a week.
I love him, but I can't see how anyone wishes for their life to be like this.
Maybe it's just because I had spinal surgery, and coming so close to loosing my life made me realize how you need to value it.
This is why, we should all just say "fuck it", and go make ourselves happy.

I've spent this evening cutting up one of my brother's hoodies, and attaching it onto a tartan waistcoat I'm making. Make do and Mend forever.




p.s. happy valentine's day♥

I actually have had no idea what to write since I got my place. It still hasn't quite sunk in, I've mentioned interviews and wanting to go there in so many of my posts, and now it's true, I can't even comment on it.

Somehow, this is gonna be me in 2/3 years time, with my own collection showing at The Opera House. Then going onto graduate fashion week, then.. life, I guess?


Part of me still wants to be the stupid little girl inside of me, who gives it all up and runs away hoping for the "disney" ending I always wanted when I was little.
But who says I can't have both in the end? Can't describe how sad am I, at the thought of loosing whatever was in the past, but I guess this is what it's all about, choosing what i need. In the words of amazing Glee, "it's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever".

Anyway, I want a crop top. I hated them when they first showed up, like, REALLY hated them. But now I think they actually look pretty good ontop of a tight top/ dress.

I like the 1s in Topshop, but £15 seems abit to much for half a top.
Found 2 in New Look, favourite's the stripey 1 as I'm into red right now:




Having a look through my favourite ever site, even though they charge RIDICULOUS amount for postage, I love the stuff.

The necklace is one of the more interesting things I found on there, that I'd actually wear.


Did I mention I learn tailoring during my 2nd year at arts uni?
Suit, anyone? £1000 please.

This photo, sums up why I should never drink. But I did like my outfit that night.



Happpppppy face. The joys of 4-month underage drinking.

Thursday I'm going to a Forces themed party, for which I'm dressing as a sailor. Should be funfun :) Got my bottle of foreign drink that noone really knows is.
Made myself a quick blue dress, like the green checked 1 to go over a stripey top.
Then the whole reason I wanted to be a sailor, was the hat.
The cheapest I found was from an Ebay stripper shop, £3.99 though! Hello, PVC.



ahoy, strippers.♥