this is all going to sound so amazingly cliched and i swear everyone that wants to make a difference, stand out etcetc says it. but here we go.

as soon as people hear i'm a fashion student, it's like i'm instantly put into this bitchy category who is judging your outfit, defining you by the clothes you wear. that i think anyone who doesn't fit into a perfect size 8 is fat.

i chose to do fashion, because of how an outfit can make you feel alive. y'know that feeling, when you put on an outfit and look in the mirror and think 'damn. i look good'. i want to design clothes that give people that confidence. that mean people can tranform themselves, even if it's only for afew hours. they can put a completely outrageous dress, and stand out from the crowd for a night. they can be the centre of attention one night, then put on jeans and a t-shirt the next day, and slip back into everyday life. fashion gave me the confidence when i needed it. call it vain, say you don't conform to fashion, whatever. but noone can deny that feeling when you know you're wearing something that you love. it's like a disguise, even when you feel totally and utterly shit, you can put on something and trick the world into thinking everything's perfect.


sorry for the random, pointless post.
i just needed to remind myself for a minute.
i need inspiration, so badly.

that kinda worked abit.

ima make your heart race in my skintight jeans

blog it's been toooo long. but i love tumblr more nowadays, much more inspring. so gogo follow me over there http://ilikehowyousmile.tumblr.com/

pretty soon this blog is gonna have to turn into my uni blog, which forms part of my course, or i'll have to make a new 1 i guess...

anyway, i'm back making clothes. got chiffon and lace cami tops made yesterday, maxi dress last week and shorts in the process. things are finally looking up. other parts of life have pretty much vanished for a month until i move to uni, but more time for fashion i guess.

so, get tumblr, yeah.
lots and lots of pretty pictures, inspiration and all that.

xxxxxxxx

i failed epically at that 365 day project. i will start soon, promise.
since then, i've turned 18, finished my a-levels and had one of the best nights, which involved farm yard animals, such as goats:



it was the end of 7 long, longg years at my school. but i genuinely do miss it.

i would explain the horse, but i'm not really too sure myself.





i'm gonna miss these the most though. 2 months, and i'll be moving almost 2 hours away. scared doesn't really describe it. but at the same time i'm so excited i just want to dance around all the time. the university just won 3 awards at graduate fashion week, just proves how amazing this course is.

i think far to much. i overcomplicate everything in my head. maybe that's why all my inspiration and ideas have gone. i've thought about everything so much. i've wanted to make the best i could so much. that i just can't anymore.
so maybe to get back to where i was, i need to stop thinking, go back to basics and hopefully it will come back? i hope so. i don't feel like me without imagination.

dear blog, it's been far to long.
but jeez i have ALOT to catch up on

here's a pretty amazing version of time after time, by quietdrive.
heard it on john tucker must die and had to share.



so firstly, i finished a-levels a couple of weeks ago. just got a resit on the 30th june to go then they are fully complete. but the main thing is, textiles is over, forever! happy days :)

secondly, i went to london the other day and did another little photoshoot for some of my newer designs. these are in a more 'festival' style. the purple dress is the dress i made for my university interviews (didn't make the blazer)
the shoes featured are also the gorgeous heels i got to wear for my leavers ball later this month, which are from newlook. the jewellery is an assortment of H&M, primark and vintage.






thirdly, these and many more photos/ designs can be found on my website.
i was going to post the link here... but there's afew issues with sorting it at the moment, and i'm still in the slow process of scanning things to put on it. so watch this space!

saying that, i have new things. i signed up to formspring and tumblr.
beginning to love tumblr, bit like twitter (which i also have, i'm such an internet whore) and a mixture of blogger aswell. following lots of arty/ fashiony people and have discovered some pretty cool things. one of my fave followers is dedicated to inspirational/ happy things, these are definately my fave's so far;





the last one is definately my favourite. not the way it's displayed, it could be done much better, but the actual saying.

i felt like a change, so attempted to dye my hair a dark brown/ chestnut colour. however it came out red/ purple. but i'm beginning to like it.



finally, i'm beginning the 365 day project as of today, 1st june 2010.
it's where you take a photo everyday of your life for a year, a self-portrait, to document how you change and to show the good/ bad points of your life, through a photo. this is gonna take me through my 18th/ moving to bournemouth/ living in bournemouth/ new year/ completing my first year at uni, right up until just a couple of weeks before my 19th birthday.
this seems like the best year to start it.

some are gonna be done with the webcam, as it's just easier.
some of just me, some with others. but i am so determined to stick to this for a change haa.
so here we go,
day #1


i've been ill all day, and watched one tree hill back to back all day before finding abit of strength to get on here.
i plan on doing exactly the same tomorrow, sorry it's such an uninspirational 1st photo. things will improve.

have a beautiful dayx

holga

it's a really random 18th birthday present, but i want a holga camera so much.

i love that the most beautiful thing about the images, is their imperfections.

got all these words, can't waste them on another.

i got my leavers ball dress, atlast. i don't wanna take any full pictures yet though, and they keep coming out awful. but you can see the pattern and ruffled bits here.



i also, got a haircut. finally. getting rid of the whole over my face annoying fringe look.



i'm in the last 4 months of living in oxford, and it's making me think about everything i've done, and everything i wish i had done. i have so many confessions and secrets it feels like they've built up. i need a fresh-start, free of this.

i'm sorry i never turned up that night, i never wanted to leave you standing there waiting, but then i knew you'd be better off without me.

another cliche rant

when i was in primary school, they asked us to fill out a questionnaire to judge our self confidence. they asked us, would you change anything about yourself, and what?
i answered yes, and everything.

i found this video from a summer 2 years ago on my computer
don't think i've ever properly sat and watched it, or maybe i just never noticed at the time. it actually made me cry just to see what it had actually done to me.

i read somewhere once, that a scientist believed it was just an abnormal gene that causes scoliosis, it's there from the moment you're born. then from then on you're just a time bomb, waiting for the day it starts to crush you. and there's nothing anybody can do about it, until it's got to a stage where it needs treatment. there's no way of preventing it, there's no full way of curing it, only delaying it.
i'm one of the most pro-surgery people you will meet, and that's a small minority it seems now. i can't go on the support sites without being bombarded with links to 'alternative treatments' and horror stories by people who really have no clue about it.




i have scoliosis, and i will until the day i die.
but i'm not going to let that tiny, little abnormality in my genes take anymore of the life i deserve from me.

i will always disagree with someone if they call me pretty or beautiful. 'cos i know underneath, is the scars from being sliced open, and literally having parts of me torn apart and holes drilled in me. i know the scars not pretty, and i know the lumps from the scoliosis are far from attractive.
but if someone asked me again, whether i would change anything about myself.
i'd say no.
'cos without this scar i have no proof i'm not the scared little girl i used to be. and without it i wouldn't be doing this.
so no, i'll keep my imperfections and be happy with my little abnormal gene.
'cos i am happy. and i have been happy ever since, as it's been a damn good two years. and things are only gonna get better
so love your imperfections, and live.♥