My 50th

This is my 50th post.. how quick has that come round?

I think i've written that I'm giving up about as many times as i've said i've fallen in love with something. But here i am, with another dress freshly sewn on the mannequin infront of me. I predict over the next 50 blog posts, I'll write I give up about 10 more times. Or I'm going to write about the success, or failure, of the interviews. Scary, scary times ahead.

Portfolio work and prep has taken over my life. I have never felt so stressed, but I'm actually enjoying the freedom of being able to do what I like within it. I will post some pictures at some point.

So 2009 has been one crazy year. It's gone too quick, and the next year is definately going to go even faster.
I'm 18, in 6 months. That's 6 months of childhood I have left.
When did I get old?

A friend I hadn't seen in 18 months came to visit the other day. Kinda showed me just how much I've changed. And by the fact that she kept kindly pointing it out to me. I don't know whether I'm sad or not, that the little 15 year old who ran around with a cat face drawn on is gone or not. I'm still that, I've just upgraded to a carebear. But it's slightly scared me. I don't even recognize myself in photos from a couple of years ago. In those photos, I had no idea in just a matter of months time, I'd develop a spinal disease and have major spinal surgery. But I guess we can never know what's going to happen.



This is a box of jewellery i found. It belonged to her Mum, who died when she was just 12 years old. So I never got to know her. I don't know a thing about her, or what happened, all I know, is that I'm named after her. This jewellery, is all I have to base her on. And it's insanely beautiful. She had incredible taste, I have to say. I wish I didn't have to base my grandmother on the contents of a jewellery box, she deserves so much more. And I wish I knew what happened, and really, what she would of thought of me. I'm never going to know, so I think I should just do all I can, to make sure I'm proud of myself.

So 2009 has been one crazy year. It's gone too quick, and the next year is definately going to go even faster.
I'm 18, in 6 months. That's 6 months of childhood I have left.
When did I get old?


So, as my final post of the year, this is my resolution;
to enjoy 2010, whether it brings success or failure, i have no idea what will happen, i may not even live to see the end of the year. and if i don't, i want to say, i've loved it all.. whatever happens.

Happy Christmas and a very, very happy new year lovelies :)♥

Interviews

So... Today, I received a letter beginning

'We are very happy to invite you to an interview...'

From, the Arts University.
I squealed.
Like a little girl.

Ha.
Fuck you teacher who said I wouldn't even get past the application stage :)
20th January... me and my "small town" dresses, are off to Bournemouth. :)

i.am.soEXCITED♥

and amazingly terrified.

Actually, fuckit.

I'm not a failure.
The zip, is a failure.
It can be fixed, and worn in future.

First set-back, but fuckit.
Realisation that things aren't ever going to run smoothly.
Gonna get up tomorrow morning as planned, and go buy fabric.

♥

I've never felt like such a failure before in my life.
The dress, the first dress I sold.
Was never worn for the ball.
The fucking zip broke, so a "spare dress" was worn.

I knew it was all too good to be true.
I'm shit.
I'm actually, shit.

Dress being posted back to me, to see if I can mend the zip.

Words cannot describe how gutted I am going to be the day that parcel turns up on my doorstep.

Blog abandoned until after christmas.

20-30 people are given a place each year.
Over 500 apply, some places more.
You need to have the grades. a good portfolio and be seen as enthusiastic, the type of person who could surive.
In the interviews, paticulary for one, I have to give a spontaneous presentation on a question they give me. As I have a "friendly face", she told me this will usually be as to why you love fashion.
Ain't gonna lie, I had no idea how I would answer this.

Then I found this;



Apart from the obvious that I've been a talented artist from a young age..
When I was 5 years old, my dream was to have a brown horse as a pet, and if I remember correctly I also wanted to be a butterfly. Who also designed dresses for princesses on the side.

This will have basically no relevance to fashion for almost everyone. But to me; this is fashion.

Imagination, creativity, fun and plain absurd at times.
It's more than just the clothes you see, that's only such a small part of it.
There's the psychology and emotion of how the dress was thought of and created, through to the person who purchases it and what they see/ do while wearing that piece of clothing.
It's what defines part of a persons personality. It's peoples opinions, everyday we have a choice about what we want to wear and pick what we do as we like it.
Whether you wear a £10,000 dress covered in jewels, or you wear jeans with a t-shirt. It's fashion. It's never "boring". It's what you like, it's what you are, and that's fashion.

I genuinely believe my dreams would come true. I never thought imagination was exactly that, never reality.
But fashion is imagination. It allows a simple thought, to become something phenomenal.
I never think I will quite live out the dream of being a butterfly, but I can live out every dream I have each day of a piece of clothing I want.

So that's why I love fashion.
Because it is anything, and everything.
It blurs the border between imagination and reality.
Ever since I made that first dress, I felt like I found what I am meant to do.
It's like eating pringles, once you've had one, you have to keep eating and eating.
You can never have too many.
And maybe one day, you'll get full and fed up of pringles.
But until then you keep on going, each one tasting better and better, getting even more addicted.

So, I'm going to go into my interview and talk about my dreams of being a butterfly and my love of pringles.
I'm gonna take the dresses I've made, and the drawings I've done, and not be ashamed they're not perfect or they are far from designer standard right now.
Because I've only just begun eating the pringles, and the best is still to come.

And I'm starting to realize, that without the thought that I may have a slight shot at getting on this course, i have nothing.
So bring on 2010.
The year I've been waiting for since I wrote about my dream, when I was 5 years old.